If you’re tired of the cloying sweetness of dancing beauties and the sticky nouveau riche vibe of Moscow’s nightlife, if your heart longs for the flickering of balls on a billiard table, and your stomach hasn’t been set ablaze by the dishes cherished by real Mexicans, boldly head to the oldest bar of the Tex-Mex variety, which hides away in Crystal Lane, in the basement of the Gostiny Dvor.
There, a cool staircase awaits you, leading straight into this western paradise of entertainment. Glasses are already lit, filled with Bi-Fifty-Two, teasingly shimmering tequila in narrow little cups – the eternal drink of true men, aromatic frothy Guinness is bubbling, echoing with the transparent, murmuring Sol. And after trying a coconut cocktail once, ladies will surely come back here, if only to taste it again.
Finally, leaving your weariness at the bottom of the glass, taking a deep breath, you’ll catch a whiff of the subtle spirit of spicy burrito – the tortilla is already begging to wrap itself around cheese, excellent meat, and beans, and after you try the buffalo wings and lick your fingers, you’ll want to understand what hides behind the mysterious name of Empanada – and the secret of Mexican dumplings will be revealed to you, inside of which you’ll be surprised to find not only meat but also vegetables. And the fat, cheeky shrimp, modestly hidden in crispy corn batter! And the Salsa sauce, after which you’ll probably ask for beer – more and more.
Intoxicated by the satisfaction of your gourmet cravings, you’ll remember once again how good it is to live in this world, and even better if in this world there’s also a smooth cue with a chalked tip. It fits perfectly in your hand, and your excitement will make the balls bounce around the table until you pocket each and every one of them.
If, however, your ancient ancestor awakens within you, the one who once carried a bow and arrows on his shoulders, take darts in your hands – the dartboards are already open. And for a single moment, you won’t be abandoned by that music, which will not only lift your spirits but will also, one day, when you least expect it, pick you up and throw you into the crowd, making you surrender to the dance.
But not only streams of beautiful music await you next Friday – the 14th of February – at the Armadillo bar. To all the 33 pleasures listed above, you can add a celebration – if you remember, it’s Saint Valentine’s Day. Oh, Valentine! The patron saint of all lovers! Grab your beloved or beloved one and hurry to Armadillo, where a surprise awaits you at the entrance – the bar gives all the loving couples a free chance to participate in a wonderful lottery, in which a tempting prize for two will be drawn.
You’ll not only have a romantic evening under the eternal blues-coconut cocktail but also the opportunity to prove your love to each other and everyone else – fun contests and, of course, prizes, and most importantly – so much pleasure that you’ll never forget it… And you’ll want to relive this day and return to Crystal Lane, to the little basement, where a cute little creature awaits you, which we call an armadillo, and some even call it the Armadillo.
Originally published in Echo of Moscow
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