I’ve determined a very important point. First and foremost, I will now always pay attention to how a person communicates. It doesn’t matter – whether it’s in person, over the phone, on Skype, or responding to comments in their journal.
We all communicate differently depending on the medium, but the essence remains the same: if a person responds impulsively, without thinking, without understanding, and simply lets out the state they were in at that moment without choosing their words carefully; if they snap at a simple question; if they start defending themselves where no one attacked them; if they start implying things that were not said; if they start making diagnoses without knowing the person at all; if they express dogmatic opinions that sound from their mouth like the only possible truth (about anything other than obvious and tangible facts, such as “there is a chair in this room,” not “this person is sick”)… This therapist (psychologist, psychiatrist, coach) – is not worthy of my trust, let alone entrusting them with my consciousness and – consequently – my fate. And I’m not interested.
It doesn’t matter how many accolades, fans, achievements, and experiences they have. It doesn’t matter if they have good articles that resonate with me. It doesn’t matter if they’ve helped someone I know. If a therapist cannot control themselves and think about what and how they are saying it, then they are a bad professional in my eyes.
It means they will inevitably play out their own drama on me. Sooner or later. And if a person (no matter if they are currently working with a client or talking to a random person on the street) doesn’t think before speaking, then they will definitely behave the same way with clients. With those who open up their innermost selves to this person.
In the “toughest” case, a good psychologist will remain silent and probably say nothing rather than say something without thinking. I don’t understand how a good therapist can be sensitive, attentive, and careful only with clients, but not in their entire “other” life. In my opinion, a therapist should be cautious and considerate with all people, not just those who pay them. Yes, we are all human beings, we have difficult moments, we lose control, we are emotional creatures. But still, a person who is accustomed to thinking before speaking will remain so even in difficult situations.
And finally, what I believe is the most fundamental for a therapist. They simply must love people. If they don’t love people, no matter how much knowledge, skills, and success stories they have. They are a bad professional.
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