Once I’ve come up with a formula to solve any conflict situations. I just had to start feeling love about the person I was having a conflict with. So easy! And it actually was for me when I was in my early twenties – that’s when I came up with this formula. Allowing myself to accept and understand the person I am having a fight with – and conflict is gone, it somehow dissolved. A lot of times conflicts just don’t exist outside of our heads.
This formula worked quite well, but not every time, and not for long. I tried to understand why it’s not perfect.
At that time I didn’t know about human tendency to separate good from bad, white from black. Sometimes we have a fight with a person, and subconsciously start considering this person not fit for relationship, or at least, not good for us, simply put “bad”. it’s easy to love something or someone that is good. Much harder to love, accept, and understand something or someone who in our opinion is barely or not at all acceptable, understandable, or loveable. Sometimes we are so fast with dumping somebody we don’t understand into a pile of “bad” stuff. And as soon as it becomes bad, we want to stay away from it.
Of course, in real live it’s all not that simple, and most of the times we remain awareness about the complexity of human personalities, and keep our minds open to accepting other people even when in our opinion they don’t fit into the image of the human being we want to relate to. I have been on the both sides. I rejected other people and also was rejected. None of the scenarios work to the advantage of the unity between people.
Certainly, especially in US society such thing as unity has been transformed to an unrecognizable form. Now days most of us want to accept unity strictly with the people who align with us completely. That’s why a lot of Americans feel so damn lonely! It’s become hard for us to allow the other be different, so different, it’s hard for us to understand and therefore relate to. However if others are not hurting anybody in any way, there is no reason to deny them and yourself to be united in love (the love that is not about sex y’all ;).
At the same time, it’s quite easy to accept the fact that just like weather (even in L.A.) is never going to be the same warm and sunny, people will never be perfectly aligned with our expectations and demands, and may be for the sake of feeling the connection, being together, we could just step down from our 9th cloud of an idea that there are perfect people with whom we may have perfect relationship, and before we meet those people, we should not open up and have fulfilling relationship with those who are around us.
Life doesn’t have to be about separation and loneliness, it may and should be about love, communication, and connection.
If we look at human interactions from that perspective, we may see that it is actually easy to be close with people whom we consider completely different and barely understandable. We just need to allow them to be themselves and love them even though they don’t fit us like a glove. And the most amazing discovery from all this, is that when we accepted everybody and allow them to be themselves, it’s become easy for us to accepted ourselves and allow us to be us. Just the way we are.
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