I agree that it’s important to take into account the rules established within the “husband-wife” system (oops, got a bit complicated there, let’s simplify). If it’s established that “left” is just as natural as “right,” then no complaints are accepted. However, these setups don’t really solve the situation because partners still sometimes hurt and fear.
I think people don’t understand why those who are either so open and whole as individuals that it’s effortless for them to live and be happy without being involved in close relationships (and consequently not fearing losing them), or conversely, those who are so closed off that they’ve learned to be “loners” out of spite, distrusting closeness as a fact and even questioning its existence, might feel scared or hurt.
Closeness, intimate relationships—it’s a fragile form of human interaction that (genuine, sincere, mutually open) isn’t always easy to build and sometimes even harder to maintain in a state of an uncracked tower. True closeness is a gift. Being open is never easy. And I bow my knees to those who can. Being open and being within relationships, creating them, these relationships, is akin to cultivating a garden.
I think it would be a mistake to assume that relationships don’t need nourishment, development, propagation, and pollination… Relationships are alive. And Love can both be born, suffer, and die. And we are capable of both helping it come into existence and killing it.
I have nothing against people meeting, mingling, making bouquets out of each other, loving, and creating love. Only if it’s love, not lust. However, I have nothing against lust within relationships, but for me (I emphasize), I’ve realized that lust acts destructively. Especially when you indulge it with a squeal. Maybe psychics will say you shouldn’t suppress it, but I’m sure that not only can you, but you must—sublimate it, acknowledge it… Perhaps each of us has wanted to kill someone (an enemy, for example) at least once in our lives, but we didn’t do it… I’m generally not inclined to deny any manifestations of life, but I tend to choose what’s closer to me.
Let’s assume that I truly love someone. I’m so enchanted by them, my heart is so full of them, that there’s no room for anyone else in it. And if I don’t want the joy of the body without the joy of the heart, because the former without the latter brings me nothing good, then it’s likely that if my loved one can do that, it means either they don’t love me as I love them, or they don’t feel anything at all. It’s an imbalance! Hence—dependence. Hence pain, fear.
Fear takes root in the hypothetical possibility of loss. Loss of a loved one, loss of family, loss of a certain established system, loss of peace, loss of self-confidence… How many losses can we count!
“You can change” applies to computers, but a computer won’t take your husband out of the family. Unless, of course, through it, some woman appears on HIS horizon. In the world, there will always be someone who fits better with someone close to us in something. It’s painful to realize that you’re not as good as you thought, as others thought you were; it’s painful for those who aren’t sure of who they really are.
However, I agree that the Great Don Juan (portrayed so thrillingly by Johnny Depp in the movie of the same name) was a true Man. And why? Because he Knew How to See Beauty in Every Woman. And not only could he see it himself, but he could also show her beauty to her.
In the movie “Frida,” Diego is surrounded by beauties, and his former wife says, “He doesn’t belong to anyone. He belongs only to himself. And he knows how to see beauty.” But, my God, there are so few people capable of going beyond stereotypes and seeing beauty in every person. And if my beloved will be like that—I will only be glad if he brings happiness to those he meets on his way. Bring happiness, not seek entrances where only exits can be found. Exits from closeness. Exits from relationships…
I still think it’s natural for a person to be in close relationships with another person, to be together with them… We’re Sufis, of course, but still, laypeople.
One of my acquaintances said, “It’s a pity that polygamy isn’t allowed. Some men need to be forbidden to marry only one woman!
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