Disclaimer: The observations shared here are not intended to generalize or stereotype individuals. While there are recognizable tendencies that have been noted, it’s essential to recognize that people are diverse and unique everywhere. These observations are simply shared insights, and individuals should not take them personally.
I marvel at Americans more and more the longer I live here, and the fewer illusions I have about them: people are so superficial that they use “friendliness” and “supposedly deeper relationships” as a marketing ploy. Recently, a recruiting agency contacted me. It was all so superficial! I went to talk to the recruiter who found me, and there he was, sitting across from me, slouched in his chair, acting like he’s my boss (even though he’s half my age) – sitting and having this friendly conversation with me, or rather, seemingly friendly.
And the other day, a girl from their office called me to invite me to some event called “Women Inspiring the World of Technology” – or some other stupid name like that. And she behaves as if we’ve known each other for ages and are about to start telling each other intimate details of our lives. It’s so astonishing that I immediately realize – it’s a tactic to convey “we’re not like everyone else”.
Our comedy group’s coach, Al, recently wrote a long post in our theater’s Facebook group. By the way, Al has always been perceived by me as a deep, conscious, and non-trivial person. And here is this deep and conscious person writing this: “I’ve been thinking, and I realized it’s absolutely amazing that all the guys from our theater have their own lives outside the theater. I mean, you go to the theater, see people, talk to them, – with such avatars. But these avatars have lives!
They go to work, they have families. It’s amazing, for example, to imagine them sitting in a library, not jumping around on stage.” – and this is said by a person who is deeper than many others. At least he noticed it! It seems like Americans instantly form their impression of people – based on tiny bits of information, mostly what they see. Sometimes – hear. That is, it never occurs to them (unlike deep Al) that every person has a whole life behind them, which influenced them, and that a person can grow and change, that yesterday they were a completely different person than today, and tomorrow they may be completely different too…
Americans are so afraid of emotional pain that they prefer to build relationships superficially even with the closest people. It’s as if they’re afraid of drowning and instead of water, they try to swim on the shore. It looks exactly like this – these fluffy bunnies start making friends, they all chirp, they say sweet words to each other, they merge in ecstasy, driven by orgasms. They rarely feel a connection and often don’t even understand what it is.
And friendship! American friendship deserves a separate conversation. In the standard version, it’s just another “convenient fluffy thing” with which it’s nice to sit in a bar and tell all the news that you wouldn’t particularly tell your fluffy boyfriend. At best, these will be some intimate details. In the best case – expressing opinions that will be heard and maybe even taken into account. However, when you try to establish some emotional contact with them, they immediately shut down: “fluffiness doesn’t extend there!”
I absolutely don’t understand how these people survive without intimacy. Everything always sounds and looks very professional and correct, even in friendly relationships. As soon as “soul disclosure” begins in Russian, everyone immediately looks away: it’s dangerous! The proximity of water indicates the risk of drowning!
The American norm of acceptable depth of internal fluctuations (let’s take the Russian “ancient Russian” longing as 10 points) is about 0.5. Anything that fluctuates more is considered abnormal and should be treated with antidepressants. That is, people don’t understand that internal growth in many begins at level 5 – sometimes if you don’t reach it, you won’t learn the lessons. How can personalities develop if they don’t feel any feelings, only the state of “fluffiness” globally?
And hence this all-consuming need “to be positive” – to such an extent has this idiocy reached that people would rather lie than admit that something is wrong or admit something. Or they admit it and immediately say “but I’m fine, I’m super, it’s nonsense”. Well, or they don’t notice. Kindness has become such a rare thing that a video about a policeman who buys boots for a homeless person for 50 bucks circulates the entire internet, the policeman becomes a national hero, TV reports are made about him, and girls stand in line for him to have sex with them. At least, sex for the next year is guaranteed to him.
Of course, there are exceptions to everything, including American shallowness. There are very open, conscious, and kind people. They will listen, pour, feel, support, ignite, trust, and you can trust them. But these are some rare diamonds in endless sands.
Emptiness. Endless emptiness. Now it’s completely understandable why I suffer and ache here. I walk through the world with an open heart, I communicate with people by heart, flesh, without skin. And every time I come across concrete walls – which people have built to swim on them without water. Otherwise, you can drown.
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