I recently came across a video of Eckhart Tolle, a fragment of one of his talks. A question from the audience was: “How can I come to terms with the fact that I’m aging, becoming ugly, and unnecessary?”
The dear and charming Eckhart smiled and said – time, time changes everything. Leave an apple on the windowsill – and see what happens to it. (The audience chuckled, and Eckhart struggled to suppress a chuckle.) You can look in the mirror and not like what you see, as time changes you. But if you only feel existence (presence) – then time stops. Time doesn’t exist in the present moment. Only existence.
How much easier it is to understand than his earlier “The Power of Now.” What now means, what it’s like now.
And that’s it. Now is about simply feeling existence.
And all this goes back to my realization after studying the philosophical dictionary in the eighth grade: the meaning of life is in life. That “objective” – actually always subjective – reality given to us in sensations! In sensations. The meaning is to experience existence (life) in sensations. Life – as a flow, as beauty, as creation, as everything contained in this life. Like the diversity of options. Like the diversity of people. Like all the most beautiful things that have been and the most beautiful things dreamed of – but not to flee into the past or the future, but to perceive it now, as if it’s all happening now – in this very moment.
It suddenly seemed horribly wonderful to me to waste time on useless and exhausting experiences, fears, worries, resentments, pain… This life contains so much wonder that even if you try very hard (and I’ve been trying all day today), it’s almost impossible to experience even a small part of existence all at once. Once you concentrate on existence, there’s an overflow of sounds, smells, physical sensations, visual images, awareness of the amount of beauty living in this world. Just one sky can drive you crazy. Just one breath of air saturated with delicious ozone. That there are trees, grass, foliage, the sea or snow, and birds, and kittens.
Suddenly, I regained a taste for life. I want to sew all the models that have been waiting for their time for a long time. And that cotton dress in a “rural” style, and a big, soft sweater, and a white silk dress fluttering in the wind. And a soft turquoise jacket that can be buttoned up.
And I want to run barefoot along the shore and dip my feet into the still cool March ocean. And to expose my cheeks, already covered with its “kisses,” to the sun, and not worry about the evenness of skin tone…
Because when life is filled with life – worries about who and how you might please or displease, and how others will perceive you, disappear.
It becomes obvious (much more, well, or more often) to me how attached we are in the “normal picture of the world” to who we have always been for ourselves throughout our lives – with our unique set of experiences, reactions, and beliefs. And how differently I’ve begun to perceive reality, simply by stepping aside a little from my so-called personality.
It’s interesting to talk about all this, as I simultaneously perceive myself as Me (Natasha) – but also don’t perceive. And at the same time, I perceive myself as any object and phenomenon – among everything that exists (I am that, I am). God never lied to Moses with the burning bush. God is that bush. God is fire. And Moses is also God – Well, or Existence.
If I am existence, then my main task is to feel this life through my desires and their fulfillment. That’s where individuality really helps: in choosing my unique experience and unique combination of pleasures in the process of being. There isn’t a single Russian woman in the world who lives in South Los Angeles with a cat named Americat and sews romantic kimonos. Not a single one, can you imagine?!
And just as there isn’t another Natasha out there who would have exactly my set of what I still want to experience and savor in the time allotted to me. Suddenly, time seemed pitiful. Life passes by, and you have to drink it to the last drop. Sip every pleasure, try any delightful experience that inspires me.
It stopped being scary to start something, to strive for something, because it’s no longer scary to fail. Success is a wonderful outcome of an attempt (or attempts, however many are required), but the process itself is much cooler. Besides, it’s as if failure is something new in my life (in any life, for that matter).
Suddenly, I wanted to grab all the stars from the sky, even those that aren’t visible. It’s as if childhood has returned, where we all know that anything is possible until adults show us otherwise. Everything is possible – everything is possible to try. And everything is possible to succeed in. In this life, I want not just (or not so much) to win and achieve, but to move towards development, accomplishments, and victories. Well, and if I move wisely, I can’t escape victories.
How can you not love everything in this world? – because it’s all me. And I am all of it. And this body that I used to scold – what nonsense! It’s like going on a journey and complaining that the room has green walls instead of blue ones. With this realization came an incredible enjoyment of this body.
Firstly, when I am existence, I transform from a physical being with thoughts and experiences into a lens through which light – existence – passes and refracts into many colorful rays – my physical (including emotional) experiences during the process of feeling existence.
When I am existence, Natasha seems to disappear. That is, when experiencing existence fully, my “personality” doesn’t exist at all. Along with it, “I” don’t exist. At the same time, it’s precisely at this moment that I realize perfectly well that this “personality” (ego, I, unique set of stereotypes and knowledge, identity) is a false entity, that it hinders the feeling of existence, experiencing all that exists…
For the first time in my life, everything I knew as “enlightenment” (no water, no moon) became so clear to me (I’m not saying I’m enlightened, I just had this experience of enlightenment). Or, for example, this well-known thought that a person is not a physical body experiencing spiritual experience, but, conversely, a spiritual body experiencing physical experience.
It’s amazing how close “to the body” I felt today as existence, experiencing this physical experience. The small events of the day – just physical movements, silly emotions, my voice, the voices of other people, visual images, my small human experiences – desires, reactions, and so on – all of this was perceived today in a completely different way: with joy, with acceptance, with love.
Suddenly, I completely accepted and loved my physics. If I am existence experiencing the experience of being Natasha, then that’s wonderful. All of it is wonderful.
In the process of realization and reflection on this (in the background), I suddenly saw very clearly how the law of attraction works. Indeed, a person is capable of creating (constructing) any life experience. I’ve already manifested a lot in this life – things that many people couldn’t. I’m not bragging, I just have a very passionate desire, and often it all materializes.
So, after all, I (like all people, I don’t think I’m that special) possess the magical power of existence – which can do everything but cannot experience physical experience and all the joys associated with having a physical body – without a body.
This beautiful world was created by existence so that it could experience these wonderful sensations. And, of course, existence, traveling in this world in our physical forms, brought its magical power with it. It’s just that until recently, almost no one knew how it works.
And it works very simply – you just need to turn off the “I” that attaches itself to us in the early stages of physical body development, and allow existence to flow freely through us, like light streaming through crystal. Like water flowing through the rocks of a mountain river. Like air streaming through the rustle of delicate spring leaves. Like golden sand slipping through fingers back into the ocean.
As soon as we become existence again and, joyfully relinquishing identification with this personality attached to this body in which we have lived the first years (decades) of this life, – as soon as we allow existence to be us, freely flowing through us, simultaneously filling us and leaving us empty (a terribly contradictory sensation, but incredibly beautiful! – simultaneous fullness and emptiness) – miracles begin to happen.
The first miracle is the very experience of duality of fullness and emptiness.
The second miracle is the realization of the rightness of everything in this world, the realization of the power of everyone in this world at any moment: we are all in this world to create our own experience. Any. Absolutely any experience, any sensation – is precious, because existence cannot experience this without a physical body.
The third miracle is the ability to realize oneself as existence. Maybe we don’t remember (and that’s not necessary!) our past lives and don’t remember that we are existence, but we can realize that we are existence and be filled with it, with this magical feeling of tingling bubbles in a freshly opened bottle of champagne (I’ve had goosebumps all day since last night).
The fourth miracle – which comes as part of the realization of oneself as existence: simultaneously with this comes the inherent understanding that we are not only able to desire to experience any experience, but also to make this experience our reality. Because existence can do everything. So any person. So I am this physical manifestation.
Now it’s necessary to very clearly visualize the chosen experiences. Clarity and certainty, absolute confidence and knowledge in detail, what experience we want to live – only this way can we make this experience a reality. Knowing what will be – that’s what shapes reality. Not so much the desire for something. You can strongly not desire an experience, but knowing that it’s inevitable – and it will happen for sure. Adding to this knowledge a very strong emotion – again, it doesn’t matter what kind of emotion it is – and materialization happens even faster.
Realizing oneself as existence removes fears and worries completely. If I am existence, this life is just a wonderful journey. If I am existence, then during this journey, I can choose any experience, and it’s never too late to start choosing the one that spreads its wings. If I am existence, then I want to choose many different and wonderful experiences.
And here’s another miracle. Each of us cannot be exclusively existence. We are still under the very strong influence of our physical bodies and the experience of everything we have experienced up to this moment. And now this unique combination (which “bothered” us all our lives as ego) now helps us to choose our unique life experiences, which are characteristic only for us and for this physical body.
For example, realizing oneself as existence, we don’t all rush to Paris or to the Seychelles, don’t all want to become millionaires and drive Ferraris. We are all still different. And that’s also incredibly beautiful.
Thus, I have told you the content of the movie “The Secret”, although I didn’t intend to do so, and I did it from a completely different angle. If “The Secret” started with the fact that we are not humans – we are all Pure Divine Awareness and came to this world to be human for a little while, and also – surprise – as Pure Divine Awareness, we can do everything (more or less within the framework of the laws of this physical world – starting with the laws of physics), – so, if “The Secret” started exactly with this, then the results for people would be completely different.
In connection with all the above, the S.M. Sidorov’s exercise on yakanye becomes especially clear: a person writes down on a piece of paper a problem and replaces almost all the nouns with the word “I”. (I hurt myself today, taking away from myself). Everything is I. Everything in this physical world is manifestations of existence. And trees, and stones, and kittens.
I admit that I still need effort to remind myself that I am existence, to ground (or, conversely, to soar). But it’s not difficult. I remember, and everything starts flowing through me again. And nothing else matters except what I can create in this world. How much to give to this reality. And how many gifts to receive. Not only physical, but also gifts of love.
Peace and harmony with this world come. Agreement with the world and agreement with oneself.
Is this not the most beautiful thing in this world?
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